Original Spanish version published in El Comercio newspaper (Peru) on December 10, 2016
Ernesto is sitting in front of me. He’s tense as he answers my questions. He knows that I am rigorously analyzing his presentation and his profile. It’s my job to make this hard for him: in a few days he has an interview for a position that’s a perfect fit, in fact his dream job.
I’m worried. His focus isn’t good enough. Like many people, he’s thinking more about making an impression with his experience, numbers, and results than about first establishing a trusting relationship with the interviewer. It’s like he’s talking to the wall, he’s not making any connection, just trying to show that he can do a really good job at the position in question. He’s so set in his role as an interviewee that he has completely forgotten his natural warmth and friendliness.
I have to help him come across as he really is. Get him to open up and be more authentic, to be natural. And to show his interest and passion for the job. How will they be able to tell whether he’ll fit in with their team if all he does is recite his lessons? How will they know who he really is if there’s no connection? I’m afraid that’s how it’s going to go, he’ll be just another face in the line and will have lost his dream.
Whether for a job interview, to win customers, or as leaders, to inspire the team, and of course in our personal relationships, most people lose sight of the central point of any human interaction: establishing a connection and generating a relationship of trust based on feeling comfortable with each other. Without that, everything said or presented, no matter how good it may be, goes unnoticed. It makes no impact, it doesn’t resonate, it’s lost.
What’s the key? Many researchers –like Amy Cuddy from Harvard University– are working on this subject, which is especially interesting to me and which I have been studying for years. And the answer is very simple: people like us based on how we make them feel.
It may sound strange, but in order to establish the trust and connection in any interaction, we first need to concentrate on giving the other person our attention, respect, acceptance, and approval. That translates into being open and natural, and, if the other person is someone close to us, caring. The more we make others feel good when they’re with us, thanks to this openness and warmth –and yes, even vulnerability– that we project, the better they will feel about themselves and, in the end, about us. There will be chemistry and connection.
Of course, being open and natural is not easy and requires self-confidence. Taking off the masks and stepping out of the roles that take away so much of our authenticity requires us to be personally and professionally sure of ourselves. We would do well to center our attention on being genuinely warm, on recognizing the other person, and on validating him or her.
It’s important to note that our facial expressions, gestures, and posture also send those valuable messages of positive feedback to others. They convey the respect we feel for the other person, so we must be sure that our body language is genuine and consistent in that respect.
Ernesto understood the concept and was able to change his attitude, connect, open up, be warmer, and be more natural. And he got his dream job. How about you? Do you know how you make others feel?
The new normal is complex and challenging. Our best positive attitude will be decisive for us to ...
Good leaders seek and create network with other leaders. They know they are responsible for devel...
ncertainty, urgency, or crisis does not give anyone an excuse to be abusive, or act without respe...
Care for yourself by ensuring that you keep stress and workloads at manageable levels. Pass on go...
Original Spanish version published in El Comercio newspaper on April 26, 2020 Whe...
Published in www.ypo.org on September 11, 2020 I am still fascinated by the results of ...
The concerns, motivations, or problems of each team member, as well as the challenges and obstacl...
You are the head of the corporation that is you. Take 30 minutes each quarter to review how much ...
The key is to reframe your attitude so that you don’t fall behind. Recognize your advantages and ...
I continue to work in this and we are making headway, but more respect, empathy, and, sometimes, ...
It’s important to identify our level of employability, recognize its advantages and limitations, ...
Originally published in ceoworld.biz on May 21, 2019 The world of work has changed dramatically, ...
To improve employability, we need to persistently sharpen our work skills and social intelligence...
The challenge is to thoroughly understand our personal reactions to change and immediately focus ...
And yes, we deserve to give ourselves the opportunity to find a job that awakens our enthusiasm a...
Some time ago, I made a mistake, which like all of the mistakes we make, was completely involunta...
Remember that productivity and employability are intrinsically linked –the higher the level of em...
Of course, this is a huge challenge to personal discipline, but we have to appeal to professional...
I want a leader who inspires my respect and admiration for his/her serious, legitimate, and authe...
Original Spanish version published in America Economia (Peru) on September 22, 2016 Ma...
Original Spanish version published in El Comercio newspaper (Peru) on June 11, 2016 “I don’t like...
If you were patient enough to answer these questions and if you made the effort to write the answ...
Original Spanish version published in Aptitus magazine, on May 9, 2018 It is common to see c...
¿Cuántos de nosotros nos sentimos realmente hábiles en las redes? ¿Quién tiene tiempo de calidad ...
What a pleasure it is to help groups of Peruvians to allow themselves to dream and imagine a bett...
When traveling, you remember and compare the experience you had at each hotel where you stayed. ...
The way we answer and the quality of the ideas we express will differentiate us from the others w...
Original Spanish version published in America Economia (Latin America) on March 27, 2018 We ...
Original Spanish version published in El Comercio newspaper (Peru) on March 18, 2018 Twenty-...
Original Spanish version published in El Comercio newspaper (Peru), March 4, 2018 Regardless of t...
Original Spanish version published in El Comercio newspaper (Peru) on February 17, 2018 There are...
Original Spanish version published in El Comercio newspaper (Peru) on January 20, 2018 Hacking, i...
Translation of the original article published December 21, 2017 on América Economía (Latam) Some ...
Original Spanish version published in America Economia (Latin America) on October 23, ...
Original Spanish version published in El Comercio newspaper (Peru) on September 30, 2017 Man...
Original Spanish version published in America Economia (Latin America) on September 2, 2017 There...
Original Spanish version published in El Comercio newspaper (Peru) on July 22, 2017 And when I [&...
Translation of the original article published June 24, 2017 on El Comercio (Perú) Given all the n...
Original Spanish version published in El Comercio newspaper (Peru) on January 4, 2017 We all...
Original Spanish version published in El Comercio newspaper (Peru) on March 4, 2017 As a young [&...
Original Spanish version published in the El Comercio newspaper (Peru) on February 4, 2...
1.Good leaders lead (excuse the redundancy) for the greater good, not to build up their egos, [&h...
Some time ago I wrote about this same subject and was very pleased with the comments […]
Translation of the original article published July 23, 2016 on El Comercio (Perú). Tired of so m...
Original Spanish version published in El Comercio newspaper (Peru) on May 20, 2015 Who wants...
Original Spanish version published in El Comercio newspaper (Peru) on January 1, 2017 Advers...
Being perceived as young or old is now associated more with a series of behaviors and attitudes t...
It’s important to note that our facial expressions, gestures, and posture also send those valuabl...
Original Spanish version published in El Comercio newspaper (Peru) in November 21, 2016 I h...
Original Spanish version published in America Economia (Latin America) on October 28, 2016 As har...